


It's really never water under the bridge

by sandyk



Series: worth it [5]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Counseling, Gen, Panic Attack, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, quick moment of a child being stabbed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25955836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: It's Peter's very first time at much-needed therapy, but he doesn't have to like it. Even though he knows he needs it.(Very helpful to have read the previous entries in the series)
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: worth it [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750705
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	It's really never water under the bridge

**Author's Note:**

> For the hurt comfort bingo spot counseling. Title from Lilly Hiatt's p-town. Thank you thank you A!!! 
> 
> This series has been very much when the bingo spot calls to me, but I always knew this was coming if there was more. Also, therapy is good!

It's Peter's first time at this rodeo. He actually had no idea how it works. 

When Peter was five or sometime around that, his mother had come into his room before he fell asleep. Something was off with her that night, she was upset about something. Peter was too young to figure out more than that. Everything was fine in a day or two, he knows that. His mother sat on the floor next to his bed and smiled at him. She said, "When I met your dad, Peter, back then I had broken up with Richard and I was at this bar. At a conference. Lots of idiot men who were convinced they knew what I had presented on better than me. They knew better."

Peter still remembers that his mother looked sad and not angry. She said, "Your dad, though, he argued with me but I was right and he admitted it. He said you're right and he smiled like he liked that. He didn't like being wrong, but he liked me for being right. You don't see that every day. I barely see that, ever." 

Even though she was upset at something, and that memory is colored all over with her sort of sadness, he's glad he knows that. 

Once when he was twelve, he'd asked Ben. "Why did she even have me? It wasn't religious, I mean, Jews are generally pro-choice. But. I don't get it."

Ben smiled and said, "She was pro-abortion. God, Mary would say that all the time. She wasn't pro-choice, she was pro-abortion. She'd say it very loudly, and people would glare at her." Ben even laughed. 

"But it wasn't like that, she wanted kids. She was happy to have a kid. Richard was happy about it. Our grandfather and two of our uncles, they weren't right in the head. Had a lot of problems. Richard was always worried that would happen to me or him, or he'd pass it on to a kid. He wanted to adopt. Mary having a baby she wanted with a guy who was cool with being a Dad, anyway, everyone, well. They felt like they hadn't planned it but it was a good thing. You were and are a good event and it all worked out."

That's a nice memory, too. 

He, really, he has a ton of nice memories. He's grown up loved and super rich, that's a pretty easy life. Generally. 

His mother and his stepfather died in a fairly ordinary plane crash. Later, there was a lot of scrutiny, was it HYDRA or Stane or whatever. Everybody's out to get Dad. 

Peter's shiny new shrink has a lot of questions. The shrink is new to Peter, not new in any other way. Tony Stark goes all out for his baby. Peter doesn't know if that's a healthy or unhealthy thought. It seems like a minor thing in comparison. 

He doesn't remember being told his mother and his stepdad were dead. He doesn't remember the funeral. He remembers feeling very small. He spent a lot of time holding on to his Dad's pant leg and Pepper peeling him off and spending all his time with either of them. He remembers hearing things when he was curled up in bed, his dad saying May's name in a very very angry way. 

He tells Mx. Shiny (Peter doesn't like to assume from gender presentation. He's been hanging out with MJ a lot. Also Shiny's gender presentation doesn't conform, so Mx feels right) that he, Peter, is a generally very happy person. He only agreed to this thing because his dad was crying and Peter really really hates causing that. 

Mx Shiny says something. 

Peter even remembers one time overhearing Pepper talking very firmly to his dad. Then he was back in Queens again. He was clinging to May's legs again. He liked that. And Ben was just as sad as he was. He got over it. He doesn't have bad dreams about it. It's just sad now. "I'm perfectly fine, it's just sad."

"When your father was kidnapped," Mx. Shiny says.

"That was really disturbing," Peter says. 

"So not just sad? That one you have nightmares about?"

"Not that often," Peter says. He slouches in his chair, radiating ease. He assumes he radiates ease. He's been wrong a lot lately about that.

MJ said to him, "You are falling the fuck apart, Parker. I don't like it."

"I'm f-"

"Don't lie to me," she said, hissing. They were at school and they were getting ready to go to decathlon practice. When Liz left, MJ was put in charge. He assumed she was mad because she was worried about the team. "You're a fucking idiot," she said. " I'm worried because you're my friend."

"Sorry," Peter said. "Sorry."

He's going to be apologizing even more now. 

To Mx. Shiny, he says, "It sucked when Dad was taken. I'd just seen him, like, three days beforehand. May took me into my bedroom and woke me up when it was confirmed he'd been taken. And I didn't get to go back to Malibu for three months. I missed JARVIS. I was worried I was going to fall behind in school. My homeschooling. Not like May or Ben spoke German."

"You were worried about your German proficiency?"

"I was seven," Peter says, smiling. "I understood death but kidnapping was still a little weird to grasp. The not knowing. I don't think May had much confidence Dad would make it out alive. But Pepper and Rhodey were hopeful."

"What's disturbing about it? How does it disturb you?"

"When he came home, he was different. Not the arc reactor, that part, but he had PTSD - which is not my diagnosing, he got that diagnosis. And he stopped drinking after my mom died, which is funny because so did May and Ben but they didn't die from any kind of alcohol related plane accident. That I'm aware of. Did my dad tell you otherwise? I always wondered."

"That was some class A distraction," Mx Shiny says. 

"No, that's how my mind works, honestly," Peter says.

"How did the PTSD disturb you?"

"He was weird," Peter says. He clenches his hands on the armrests. Which is nothing like nervously twiddling his fingers. "Sometimes when I was younger, he let me sleep next to him. When he got back, I would fall asleep and he was holding me, but then I woke up and he was gone, downstairs. And I would lie there and wonder if it was okay to go downstairs and bug him or not. I would ask JARVIS, usually. He used to read me to sleep in German or Japanese. German really can be soothing, don't listen to Liz Lemon. That's comedic effect, when Tina Fey does it."

Mx. Shiny says, "You left out when your father was kidnapped, there was an attempt on your life."

"No there wasn't," Peter says placidly. "I don't remember that."

"It's on the list."

"Well, I didn't give you that list," Peter says. "I don't remember it. What happened? Can you tell me?"

Mx. Shiny taps a stylus on their Starkpad. Peter says, "I seriously don't remember. I'm very intrigued now."

"After your father came home, then there was Iron Man and then Mr. Stane was killed."

"We don't need to passive voice that one, Dad and Pepper killed him," Peter says. "I was in Queens. I went back to Malibu, right after. Literally, Pepper picked me up from the jet and we drove to the press conference. And Dad seemed better. He wasn't, but he seemed better."

"You didn't know he was Iron Man."

"I strongly suspected, come on. He would have told me, too. Are we doing this chronologically, or can we jump ahead? Cause the palladium mess, I got sent away for the worst of that. And the invasion in New York, I was in a very safe bunker," Peter says. 

"Your father called you before he went into a wormhole in space and he thought he was going to die."

"That's very true. Again, sucked."

"You have nightmares about it?"

Peter shrugs. His shoulders feel very tense. He says, "Sure. I also have the classic nightmares, naked in school, searching and searching who knows for what? Also, nightmares are like, mish mashy timey wimey images. I don't really remember them. Not to repeat myself."

Shiny stares. Peter can wait that out. Usually. 

Shiny says, "Okay, let's jump ahead. Did you want to talk about what happened at school and at home?"

"The precipitating incident?" Peter leans forward. "I'm concerned that's exaggerated."

"Are you really?"

What happened was, what happened at school was after MJ had been hissing at him about how he was not fine, and he was on his way to decathlon practice. It was like a sensory overload thing, but different. This time with more shivering and almost crying and not being very articulate as MJ watched him. She also reached out to him and held his hands. Luckily, it was only him and MJ in the hallway. He was able to move, and then he ran to the nurse and then he called May and went home. He told May he didn't feel right, something was wrong. That was mean, and he added he wasn't being poisoned, he wasn't physically unwell. 

This is the "school incident." "It was a rough few minutes," Peter says. "I just need some sleep. I always need some sleep."

Shiny says, "But you're here. Acting like it's nothing. Why come here?"

"I told you, my dad was crying. He never cries. Well, almost never. Rare enough to move me. And I broke his arm, I really wanted to make up for that." 

Because after the school incident, he didn't get a nap but he went to Dad's, time for Dad's. And then he woke up early in the morning and he was having another incident and he pushed everyone away who was trying to get him to calm down. But he pushed without any control and the only person who was trying to get him to calm down was Dad. Then it was Steve, who could actually hold Peter down until he was back to himself. But he saw his dad and that clearly a broken arm. 

"He wasn't crying because of the broken arm, though."

"No, he's very concerned about me," Peter says. "Him and May and MJ and probably lots of other people."

"What was the experience of these incidents for you?"

Peter presses his lips together. "Disconcerting?" He lets go of the arms of his chair. He says, "It felt like giving up. Like, um, drowning in jello and I was flailing to get out. That doesn't sound like a symptom of anything."

"We are all complex people," Shiny says. "Some ways we react fit into boxes and checkmarks, some ways won't. It's difficult to diagnose yourself."

"Ned said it was probably complex PTSD," Peter says. 

Shiny shrugs. "Did you agree?"

Peter shrugs himself. "I'm not a shrink."

"But you were just saying you thought you just needed some sleep. So it sounds like you think you don't have something to diagnose."

"I believe in science," Peter says. "I believe therefore, we should be open to being wrong. I accept I'm probably wrong about me."

Shiny stares. 

Peter caves. "My dad spent a lot of time saying he was fine and he was clearly in denial. Like, I'm not saying I can diagnose him, but he was not fine. MJ said that to me, too, so I accept that."

"Ned and MJ can diagnose you?"

Peter inhales. "No, diagnose is different from being able to recognize that something's wrong. That something’s not fine. But I don't think Ned Leeds, sixteen year old, is going to diagnose me. But he and MJ know me pretty well. They figured out I was Spider-man pretty quick. And didn't tell me. But they had to eventually because I suck at hiding things from them."

"They're your friends."

"Yes, me have friends. Not a lot, but those two for sure," Peter says.

"Do you think you're unpopular?"

"More jumping around," Peter says, nodding. "Popularity is hard to judge. Since now everyone knows Tony Stark is my father. So, like, I don't really trust people who are interested in me now who weren't interested before."

"Because they might not really like you," Shiny says.

"Yup," Peter says. "Nailed it."

"It can be helpful to talk about events that scared you or hurt you," Shiny says. "Have you done that?"

"Uh. Clearly not enough if I'm having incidents. But, no, so far I have successfully not been forced into therapy until today."

"Even after your mother and stepfather died? Or your uncle Ben?"

"Yup," Peter says. "Though it seems like you know about some stuff I don't, with that mysterious episode I don't remember."

"Your uncle died in front of you," Shiny says. "Didn't your father and aunt want you to talk about that?"

"I don't know, I don't think they said so to me. Maybe they thought it. But I didn't want to," Peter says. "This kinda sucks."

Shiny nods. "Well, you were forced to do it."

"It's not like I don't see the value," Peter says. "But something in me hates it."

Shiny nods again. "Thank you for admitting that. When we went through those questions at the beginning, did you lie on any of your answers? Smooth anything over?"

"Why? Do you think I did?"

Shiny says, "I talked to your father and your aunt and it seems like you might have."

"Fine, whatever. Yes, I sleep badly. I wake up three, four times a night if I fall asleep. I'm hungry a lot, even though I have a lot of food around me, but I forget. I think that's all I lied about," Peter says. 

"Okay, good. Why did you do that?"

"Because you think I'm nuts, and I don't like that," Peter says.

"Why do you care about my opinion?"

Peter scratches his wrist for funsies and fidgets. He says, "Not per se your opinion, but what you'll tell Dad and May."

It goes on like that until it's finally over. Shiny gives him two prescriptions and they talk about reporting all side effects, all of them, and if his mood changes. They get to meet every day, for at least two weeks. It's awesome.

Peter lays on the couch with three blankets wrapped around him as he uses Dad's thigh for a pillow. Tony uses his good arm and hand to pet Peter's hair. Pepper and May are sitting across from them. Despite all appearances, it's not a family meeting. A random gathering of all Peter's legal guardians after he finishes his first meeting with his shrink. He's already taken his new pills. So far, so drowsy. 

"I can go back to school tomorrow, right?"

May looks at him like he's an idiot. She says, "Maybe. Tell us how you feel in the morning."

"I like school," Peter says. 

"You don't generally give that impression," Pepper says. "Usually you complain that you're very bored."

"But I like the part where I have people around me and I do things," Peter says. 

Tony says, "You've only missed a day and a half. Chill."

"But I'm not," Peter rolls his eyes. He wants to say that one thing he is not doing is hurting himself, so school isn't dangerous. But he feels like that would be pushing it. Subject change time, he thinks. He can be Shiny New Shrink. He says, "Anyway. The doctor mentioned that there was some incident when Dad was kidnapped, some thing I don't remember at all."

Pepper nods. She says, "You really don't remember? You got stabbed."

"I really don't remember that," Peter says. "Are you allowed to tell me traumatic events I don't remember?"

"Yes," Tony says. 

"I got stabbed?"

May says, "Pepper missed you. Understandably. She came to New York City for Stark Industries, but also to visit you. You really missed her."

"And JARVIS," Pepper says. "You asked all the time about JARVIS. Even though he already called you every day for your language lessons and math and history. Every weekday."

"So I wasn't smart enough to realize JARVIS lacked physical form," Peter says. 

"No," Tony says. "You knew he was a computer and he was based in the house. Even though he could talk to you, it wasn't like when you were in the house and he could see you through the cameras. You were worried he lacked visual stimuli."

"How very infantilizing of me," Peter says.

Pepper says, "We think Stane arranged it. I can't believe you don't remember it. You and I and May and Ben and Happy and some other security were walking in Central Park. You were talking about the different kind of birds you saw and taking pictures with a camera Tony had made for you and I remember you were saying I needed to send them all to JARVIS." Pepper smiles, almost teary. 

Apparently Peter was a lot when he was seven; Peter knows that already but he still winces a little. He wonders what he was like before his mom and stepfather died. A little less a lot? Hopefully. It sounds like he was insufferable.

"You were adorable when you were seven," May says. "I know you, Peter. So we were walking in Central Park and this man, he looked homeless, ran towards us and he just, he had a knife and before I even saw anything, you and Pepper were screaming and Happy was pushing everyone and I thought everyone was bleeding. But it was just you and Happy."

"He took a knife for you," Tony says. 

"But I still got stabbed," Peter says. 

"Yeah, it was a nick," May says. "Could have been worse, a lot worse."

"We think the plan was to take out you and Pepper," Tony says. "Or at least Pepper. Once I was dead, nearly everything went to you and Pepper was the executor."

"Probably thought me and Ben were hicks that he could manipulate," May says. "Actually when it comes to finances, he was probably right. We would have signed away all of it for so much less than it was worth." May giggles a little. 

Peter feels like he's on a new medication, on medication, period, but May laughing makes him happy. He smiles back at her. 

Tony's hand shakes a little in Peter's hair. Tony says, "Did you take your medication?"

"I was just thinking about how I can definitely tell I have taken pills, so therefore yes, I'm on my pills," Peter says. "Is that reassuring?" He's trying to make it sound hip and ironic but he thinks his sincerity is bleeding through. 

"Yes. I appreciate it," Tony says. "We, the put upon people who love and care about you, are reassured to hear you're following doctor's orders."

"Hey," Peter says, "I love you guys and gals and non-binary people."

He actually falls asleep right on the couch. The drowsiness is a definite side effect.

Peter doesn't Spider-man for a week while he adjusts to his medications. He meets with Shiny New every afternoon, even Saturday and Sunday. It's a very weird feeling. Peter apologizes to MJ and Ned for being an asshole. They both say it's not needed. 

Ned wants to know how he forgets getting stabbed. "I get there's a lot in your life happening all the time, but you forgot getting stabbed?"

"It was just a small wound," Peter says, as they walk to class. "There was a lot happening that year. I don't dwell on stuff."

Peter doesn't miss Ned rolling his eyes. "I saw that," Peter says. 

"Yeah, I wasn’t trying to hide it," Ned says. "So how's therapy?"

"Do you have to say that in your normal, loud voice?"

"Yes, because there's nothing embarrassing about it," MJ says, appearing out of nowhere. "There's literally nothing bad about it. It's what people should do."

"Gosh, why doesn't everyone do it?" Peter mutters and slumps a little. 

"I do," MJ says. "Asshole. You should have, like, five million times."

"Since when do you --"

Ned says, "Me, too. But you don't need to be that harsh, MJ. Jeez."

"Why are you two just telling me now?"

"You're very ableist," MJ says. "About therapy."

"Not for other people," Peter says. "I only think it's bad for me."

Ned rolls his eyes again. 

"I'll be better," Peter says. "I'm great at unlearning my prejudices. Seriously, ask my shrink. It's been a week, I'm totally getting great."

MJ pats his back as they get to class. "Got it, got it. Nice to hear."


End file.
